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Matthew Inman @Oatmeal Seattle, Washington

I make comics.

341 Following   489,444 Followers   5,599 Tweets

Joined Twitter 4/13/07

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Turbulence http://t.co/mFzwsiPIN0Can't argue with The @Oatmeal's logic! Texting & driving is #unbearable. Thanks to @peterbearse for the find. https://t.co/1Phba5GAHf
Retweeted by Matthew InmanThat last tweet I got from @GlennF at some point. At least I think it was Glenn. Good job, Glenn. I think.How to get a pedantic, tone-deaf reply to a joke on Twitter: Make any joke on Twitter..@MatthewKeysLive You must be a real hit at parties.TEENS: It's ok to text and drive! Provided your car is stopped, parked in the middle of nowhere, and surrounded by bears.An oldie but a goodie: the 10 types of crappy interviewees http://t.co/Lgqk8N7j8y http://t.co/r40kyZ3O2g
4/24
2015
PARENTS TAKE NOTE: the last time a doctor poked me in the butt with a needle I renounced God. PROOF that vaccines are linked to atheism
4/23
2015
I'm a mantis shrimp! What's your Earth Day #GoogleDoodle quiz animal? https://t.co/RZUTEcNdkg #winning cc @Oatmeal http://t.co/peei6irNwp
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
4/22
2015
Reminder: We added a 5k option to the Sacramento @BeatTheBlerch and registration opens up tomorrow at 9am. http://t.co/P00JLHLbgRHeads up: there are only 70 spots left in our Saturday Beat The Blerch race in Carnation: http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR
4/16
2015
2015 registration for the Morristown, NJ race is now OPEN! Saturday race: https://t.co/maaddNzmzq Sunday race: https://t.co/V6MfZwAoJz
Retweeted by Matthew InmanThe locker room http://t.co/bscwk5aTAAREMINDER: today at noon EDT registration opens up for @BeatTheBlerch East http://t.co/IoWy8eDsZA http://t.co/RGZOIyMxIh
4/15
2015
EAST COAST: Tomorrow at noon EDT, we're opening up registration for our @BeatTheBlerch 10k/half/full in Morristown http://t.co/eFW0MeqqapSpaceX is streaming a live HD broadcast of their Falcon 9 rocket and yet I still can’t watch a fucking football game on the internet
4/14
2015
The DOs and DO NOTs of running your first marathon http://t.co/ggFbtV4BEX http://t.co/kQWNYbNm4kBeat the Blerch virtual race kits are on sale now! Run the race anywhere you want. http://t.co/0Rbe5tyx2T http://t.co/DSIETsfxXU
Retweeted by Matthew Inman@ILOVECOFFEEjp is having a book signing this Tuesday at our Greenlake cafe! Come visit and meet the author! http://t.co/6iuay6UClQ
Retweeted by Matthew InmanRegistration for Beat The Blerch 2015 is now open http://t.co/IoWy8eDsZA http://t.co/BfQUpE19QfDangit. We crashed EventBrite for @BeatTheBlerch registration. it’s not completely down at this point, just loading super slowly.2015 registration for the Carnation, WA race is now OPEN! Saturday race: https://t.co/MBUl6SU8Pt Sunday race: http://t.co/hb4oqKG1zU
Retweeted by Matthew InmanGET YOUR CURSORS READY: Registration for the Carnation, WA race opens up at 9am today.
Retweeted by Matthew InmanRegistration for @BeatTheBlerch opens up at 9am today. Sasquatch & couches included. http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR http://t.co/4p6h6YEA4R
4/13
2015
REMINDER: Registration for Beat The Blerch 2015 opens up tomorrow at 9am PST. http://t.co/P00JLHLbgR http://t.co/KQCxfCWNIo
4/12
2015
We also have a ton more @gameofkittens play-tests happening all over the world. Full list here: http://t.co/2kxHO9sAmQSEATTLE: Wanna play Exploding Kittens? Play tomorrow in the Columbia tower for charity: http://t.co/PnaqWMlwmI http://t.co/vTamXZfziqEllo and Myspace walk into a bar. Bartender says LOL I remember u.
4/10
2015
The cake is ready: @BeatTheBlerch is coming to the East Coast and Sacramento! http://t.co/IoWy8eDsZA http://t.co/Vb8w2ywlbgBeat The Blerch is coming to the East Coast and Sacramento! Registration dates announced: http://t.co/nIakBm7fnR http://t.co/oTMnTnNI5T
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
4/8
2015
I helped write and draw a book about coffee, with @ILOVECOFFEEjp and it came out today http://t.co/EYjLpxoZaP http://t.co/7ki7Mrh5mtThe best time to drink coffee, according to SCIENCE: http://t.co/UUmCeudZO3 http://t.co/QlanOXq7JE
4/7
2015
Happy Easter! http://t.co/ACuajqy4JL
4/5
2015
@BAHFest WHATLadies call me Amazon Prime because I’m cheap and my package always comes way too earlyI'll have a whiskey http://t.co/PLsuzQPKIU
4/3
2015
@PhilJamesson You got it. Twitter handle has been addedSo true. #inspired http://t.co/NbnyQtX4ng.@PhilJamesson One of our readers suggested I cartoon your cat/rum tweet. Hope you don’t mind I took the liberty: http://t.co/bf4K2wLUKGCOMIC: I'll have a whiskey http://t.co/bf4K2wLUKG http://t.co/FfhCOtlzT2
4/2
2015
It is 63F in Antarctica today. I'm not worried though because thermometers are a bunch of Obamacare-loving lesbians with liberal agendas.
3/31
2015
Hey bro, are you a flower? http://t.co/fRG7LfErBU http://t.co/tVdjN3o2KHBonus panel here and there are #somebutts http://t.co/3hgn7Y7VNcHow I like to greet others http://t.co/HLg1bIyPtF
3/30
2015
I'm at #ECCC in booth 202. There are rules. http://t.co/mvyGerSptq
3/28
2015
On the 7th day God made peanut butter & then he said holy fuck this is good I'm done making new shit I'm just gonna sit down & chew quietly
3/27
2015
@Megan_Sass think of the doorknobs, Megan http://t.co/zCyDkamPTPI'll be at Emerald City Comic-Con in booth number 202. Stop by and say hi. I am even wearing my party pants. http://t.co/KY98R9GWxWThat last image was from "The terrible & wonderful reasons why I run long distances." http://t.co/iFJKf5YujLI choose not to combat my monsters http://t.co/NEqCARRTuA#tbt I loved @Oatmeal's "The Terrible And Wonderful Reasons Why I Run." If you're a runner, buy this book. Seriously. http://t.co/RPo6YsL3hn
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
3/26
2015
@wilw I love the “the loud motor is for safety!” argument. If motorcyclists want to warn us, they should play fucking ice cream truck musicThat last tweet brought to you by the city streets of Los Angeles.“That dude on a loud motorcycle sounds fuckin' AWESOME and not at all like an attention-seeking shitbag” -that dude on a loud motorcycle"He heard us talking about wanting to play the new 'exploding kittens' game soon." via http://t.co/KUx3TEApYf http://t.co/hLwDfJzvEN
Retweeted by Matthew InmanThis time next week, hundreds of free copies of #ExplodingKittens will be in the mail! https://t.co/5jjLmQatpI http://t.co/UumhvXUzRI
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
3/24
2015
Happy #NationalPuppyDay http://t.co/DDnbDen7Cl http://t.co/OVYtEhAJQP
3/23
2015
.@thinkgeek My version is more accurate http://t.co/GMRzRs63ud@SYSKPodcast I will bring a domesticated mantis shrimp as a peace offering@SYSKPodcast hey, I'm a big fan and would love to meet you two when you're in Seattle next month
3/19
2015
Morning reminder: Sneak Peek VS Sneak Peak http://t.co/oHoRZLrOC8 http://t.co/CL2FMeP9Ou
3/18
2015
.@elonmusk Build a huge, autonomous Model S and have it birth out armies of these, Alien-queen style: http://t.co/DAI1QmSAhV.@ZymurgySteve You must be a huge hit at parties.Marital status VS keyboard. A recent observation of mine. http://t.co/Mctmlc1Io0I sometimes feel like my life has no meaning when there isn't an Amazon package en route to my house.
3/17
2015
*Cue ten thousand pedantic, tone-deaf anecdotes.*PSA: Trying to win an argument on Twitter is like trying to wipe your butt with your left hand.Phi is one H of a lot cooler than Pi. Bow to the golden ratio, motherfuckers.This is the closest thing I have to a comic about #PiDay http://t.co/PXVjxXm4aG
3/14
2015
http://t.co/dSZGobTbMtFeeling free http://t.co/iO4S0qg5TL http://t.co/k1LFCMxPDP@SarahCAndersen Do it anyway and I will remix it with some butts and nards
3/13
2015
7-11 should make a Benadryl-flavored Slurpee because that shit is excellent #2birds1slurpeeThey should make an Apple Belt so I can watch movies on my crotch all dayMaking important editorial decisions this morning in regards to the British. http://t.co/A3CPZvXF8t
3/12
2015
.@jmattbarber Oh look, it’s a comic about you. http://t.co/T8LQUujKhaOh look, another bigoted dumbshit using my Gayroller comic http://t.co/1XuaCtS0Bg Hey @jmattbarber: go read this http://t.co/mfzPz1jVFx@brainstew0 @Starbucks and this one? http://t.co/HnBNYGVndrCOMIC: How most people judge the quality of their coffee http://t.co/Hd5dmIfq0E http://t.co/W42Y5YYXfhShould you put coffee in your face right now? I created a handy flowchart. http://t.co/bObpNa1XUz http://t.co/8rPyHftqHB
3/11
2015
The struggle is real. http://t.co/c8iYtlWrrMCompiling some reviews of @gameofkittens this morning. cc @elanlee http://t.co/pa0wwZMoIa"Hey bro, you got the time?" "Yeah, it's ... hang on. Just a sec. God fucking damnit." http://t.co/vCrpqQ5FIj
3/10
2015
National museums join Seattle Art Museum in 'selfie stick' ban - http://t.co/iEr8f50tjO http://t.co/ZazEE7xAXU
Retweeted by Matthew InmanExploding Kittens pre-press is looking really good (cc @elanlee @Oatmeal) http://t.co/fFjGNmzg44
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
3/6
2015
More incredible life-changing jokes here: http://t.co/M0BrMibdDrHow does Hitler tie his shoes? WITH LITTLE NAZIS, OF COURSE
3/4
2015
Amusing juxtaposition of tweets. I am sure @Oatmeal regrets nothing. http://t.co/JBqWk9RyLl
Retweeted by Matthew Inman@wilw Don’t tell me that! I’m flying to LA on Wednesday and I was hoping for a break from the sneezing nightmare that is Seattle right nowI wish I could jerk off on plants and give them allergies.The current state of things where I live http://t.co/iVVGO6j7gF@Oatmeal You're an idiot.
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
3/2
2015
@skilletstfood heck yes! I'm gonna go do shots of bacon jam in my underwear to celebrate
3/1
2015
.@neiltyson http://t.co/r68KafjPR6How Net Neutrality actually works http://t.co/QTyVavhnG3 http://t.co/7aPgR4fxIU
2/28
2015
Currently stocking up on girl scout cookies to sell on Silk Road during the off-season #businessThe dress http://t.co/hn0v3P8b9Q
2/27
2015
Hey @pebble, I have an idea for a Kickstarter campaign that I think could break every record, ever http://t.co/wgpIQV6ySL
2/24
2015
@Oatmeal I drew the current state of my @theblerch http://t.co/7xQjEdZncj
Retweeted by Matthew Inman
2/22
2015
.@skilletstfood I took a stab at drawing your new #SkilletMug http://t.co/CKgOoJ0joy
2/21
2015
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